FOIA-requests to the European Commission, a poem

Me (with help from ChatGPT):

Dear FOIA officers of the European Commission,

We humbly request, with politeness and tact,
All information you may have on file, in fact,
Concerning the use of chatbots and AI,
Pursuant to Regulation 1049, oh my, oh my,
In the playful style of Dr. Seuss, with rhyme,
We seek this knowledge for a specific reason,
To ensure transparency and promote the common good,
We thank you in advance, for doing what you should,
And fulfilling this request, as any good government would.

Mathias Schindler

European Commission: we need your postal address.


Oh European Commission, thy request doth cause me woe,
For thou dost already possess my postal address, as I doth know,
And thy request doth contravene the Ombudsman’s ruling, as doth show,
In decision 682/2014/JF, which doth clearly state that no address doth need be so.

Thus I must respectfully reject thy request, and ask that thou dost let it go,
For it doth serve no purpose, and doth only impede my right to know,
The information that I seek, which is my legal right to behold,
And which thou dost hold in thy possession, as thy duty doth unfold.

I trust that thou wilt understand, and withdraw thy request with all due haste,
And allow me to continue my search, without further waste,
For knowledge and truth, which are the foundations of our democracy,
And without which we cannot hope to thrive, or build a better society.

So I bid thee farewell, and bid thee well, in thy endeavors to serve the public good,
But do not let thy request stand in the way, of my quest for knowledge, as I ever would.

Mathias Schindler

European Commission: *gives the silent treatment*.


Dear European Commission, oh how we plead
Please register our FOIA request, we’re in dire need
We sent it in days ago, with great care
But still no response, it’s just not fair

We read the rules, we know our stuff
Article 7, paragraph 1, sentence 2, was clear enough
But still you ignore our desperate plea
Please confirm the registration, it’s the least you can do

We know you’re busy, with many things to do
But this request is important, we really need it through
So please, don’t make us wait any longer
Confirm the registration, and make us stronger

We’ll be patient, we’ll give you time
But please don’t leave us hanging, on this precarious line
So European Commission, we beg of you
Please confirm the registration, and we’ll be forever true

Thank you for your time, and for listening to our plea
We know you’ll do the right thing, and confirm the registration for us, hopefully.

Yours faithfully,
Mathias Schindler

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